Sometimes I wonder why I’ve survived, why I’ve survived near tragedies I can’t even imagine . Car accidents, armed robbery, abuse, rape, hurts, pains and even some self-induced stupidities that could cost everything.
Sometimes, I sit and think to myself, what’s keeping me here, what’s so special about that people see and I do not really view when I look in the mirror, the tension in my mind’s veins while giving a smile to bright another’s day, no one hears the wailing cries at dawn summarized in a sigh and a tear drop.
His life is perfect, she’s the dream, but…
I remember as a kid, the rain had just stopped and I was quickly out playing with waters collected in the sands, it was fun, and at some point I almost fell down and the only thing I could hold on to was the exposed lightning rod right beside the pillar of the building…
I reached for it, and in a split second, it caught lightning before my fingers touched it, as I fell to the ground, I saw sparks of electricity beneath me as though in slow motion, my life did not flash before my eyes, I did not know what death was, I was not petrified, for the sight was both of wonder and amazement, just because I did not know what its after effects would look like if the electrons coursed through me as it found its path to the earth.
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A Better Picture Of Back Then
It was a bright moment, my fingers reached the lightening rod, warm it felt, alive I was, alive I am. holding it broke my fall, but no heart was broken that day, no human was fried and perhaps the dream of a mother was preserved. Looking back now, I’m not sure it would have mattered if I caught the lightning, no one would see the effect because of the intense color of my skin.
There was that one time I took an Uber taxi home with a colleague, I sat in the back of the car, dropped her off at her stop and switched seats to the passenger side in front of the car, just to have a chat with the Uber driver, it was going to be a long ride, boring for both of us if there was no conversation.
We got stuck in traffic, late night because of road repairs/construction. Gun shots in the air, or so I thought, glass shattered over my quavering body, trying to make sense of the sound. We were under attack, I was robbed of my mobile phone and money, he was able to saved his mobile phone and money, but he got stabbed in the eye. I was manhandled and hit on the mouth with the butt of a gun.
Later we realized that the gunshots in the air, were actually two bullets holes in the back seat where I sat. I drove my Uber driver to the hospital, I was not charged for the trip, my lips were swollen (although looking back I see they didn’t really swell, they just became fuller), no holes in my heart and I’m writing about it four years later.
I was sent on an errand when I was 15 to get some things for the house, what the Americans would call groceries, I played on the road as I walked to and from the store, out of nowhere, a drunk driver, or mad driver, or crazy driver, sped past me. I jumped into the nearby bush in what I thought was a James Bond move, because the truck had sped past before I dove into the bush, it was reflex, there was actually no space for pedestrians, you had to step into the bush for the trucks to drive past you.
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I came out of the bush seeing my foot prints between the tire tracks of the truck, for some reason, I believe the truck drove through me, but how would I know, I’m still alive and yeah, the loaf of bread made it home too.
Even I could Not Say What Actually is The Problem
These are stories from way back and I never fail to wonder why those kind of dangerous moments, which in some cases seemed to go on and on for long periods of time, taking its toll on your body, emotions, mind and sometimes makes you wonder why you should have hopes and dreams if in the flicker of an event it all ends.
Sometimes we consider the gravity of our broken dreams more than the enormity of how much worse it could have been, the opportunities that present themselves in the middle of our chaos, the life produced in the middle of our travails and screams, we fail to see sometimes. There are many stories I could share about how things ended, and sometimes you look at the issues that arise as the perfect dark shades that provide the outline to the beautiful colors of you that people eventually see in you, about you and of you.
Life happens to everyone, but we survive. Sometimes I wonder why I survived, I survive because it is the only reality for some others that death itself is never an end but a passage, just as the seed must needs die, to evolve. Nothing in its current state becomes greater than itself, without first going through…
So why do I get up again, why do I survive the hurts and pains and struggles? Apart from the the endowment of immeasurable grace from God, I survive because of that kid that needs just one Facebook chat to brighten his day, to realize others have had it worse and they still smile.
More Hidden Reasons Why I Survived
I survive because of the other young man that needs to read my posts on Facebook, to realize dreams do come true, I survive to help that one student realize that despite being one of the dumbest students in high school, you could still emerge top of his/her class in college/University. I survive to help that one person who’s been hurt and betrayed multiple times realize, only the strong carry the weightier things, also for that student that could have his life turned around because I taught him one subject or course.
The one youth who needs someone to help him become a millionaire, that one girl waiting for you to marry her, or that child looking up to you, that man or woman who wonders if her kids are ever going to survive their spouse’s exit.
Sometimes I wonder why I survive these near tragedies, it is all because of you, because I need you to meet me, and you need me to help us inspire another generation, this is why we survive. This is not just my story, it is our story.